How long?????????

My Lord has it really been that long since I was on here last??? I really do have alot to say!!!

My door licence finally arrived and I have been working the doors now for 4 weeks.

I am absolutely loving it I have got a regular venue now in Basingstoke (for the time being anyway)

I have so much I want to say I can't get it all out!!

 

I am really lucky not only did i find a job almost immediately but my boss is amazing he is not just a good laugh but he is understanding, honest, respectful and genuine. He is the sort of boss you can go out for a drink with, talk about anything with and you know he will help if he can won't tell anyone.

 

I am absolutely loving my job but it is coming with a scrafice or two, not that I mind, but other people are begining to notice.

 

My social life (what there was of it) is out of the window there are people I used to talk to every day that I haven't spoken to in weeks because they work days and I nights.

 

I can't remember the last time I had a real conversation with my husband let alone when I last had any physical contact from him. I have had the odd peck from him here and there but that doesn't count he doesn't take me into his arms, hug me or even tell me he loves me.

 

I would be able to cope with him being out all day and me out all night if the time we did have together he made count but he doesn't. Why am I always the one who has to work at the marriage? because at the moment it isn't a marriage it cohabituation.

 

On a brighter point

 

I met my sister for the first time last week. I'm not going to deny that at first when she contacted my younger sister I had a fair bit of resentment for her, but I forced myself to get over it and met up with her and found alot of similarities good and one or two not so good but it is good we still have a long way to go to build up our relationship but at the moment I have a big sister and nephew.

 

Showtime

 

I went to the opening night of The Lion King at the Bristol Hippodrome last Friday and I knew it was going to be good because of the reviews I have had from people but it was incredible, epic and astounding! I don't know how else to describe it but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

 

I think that is pretty much all of it except to say....

 

If I haven't spoken for a while I'm sorry and I will try to soon

 

God Bless you all

 

Jennie

 

x

Frustration

It is getting to the point now that I can do things without my stick. Good news you would think.

To me this is a nightmare.

It is hard becuase I now that I am not to push myself too far but I know that I need to go back to work, not just becuase we are desperate for the money but for my own sanity and excitement that I am starting a new job.

I keep thinking can I do it? shall I text my boss and say I can go back to work tonight, tomorrow, next weekend or shall I wait until the 17th when I said?

The sensible side of me says that I should wait for those 2 more weeks to be sure and to properly get off my stick but the other side, the desperate side, is saying you can go without it that you dont need the stick not really you are getting stronger all the time.

GGGRRRRRRR!!!!!!! I wanna go back to work!!!!

Physio

I have now had 2 lots of physio and all I can say is OMG I hurt after :(

they put me on MEMS machine for 15 mins. It hovers over bare flesh and then I just lie still and let it do its thing for 15 mins. I don't even know what it does because I can't feel it all I know is it helps the muscles to repair.

Got 2 more sessions booked for next week so will keep you all up to date.

xxx

Stress

I always have been a person who can handle stress well, it has even been said that I thrive on it, however lately I have had a lot of it, maybe too much if I'm honest.

People say to me, you are only young you don't know what stress is!

I beg to differ

I may not outwardly appear to be stressed but this is because what is in my heart is private and i will only share it with those who I want to share it with.

I have said before that people only see of me what I let them see and again this is true for this in that the more stress I am under the more outgoing upbeat and light hearted I appear when in truth I feel as though I am tied down by the neck with 20 Tonne boulders.

It makes me frustrated when it is all happening in one go like it is at the moment.

Right now I am:

• Off work because of injury
• Dealing with my sister's problems because she is useless and makes them worse
• Not able to cover the bills (not including the rent, petrol, gas, electric and food when I say bills - I guess they just won't get paid at all)
• My Husband's money has been cut
• My Husband not going to the doctor about his health
• Arguing with my Husband
• And one other I shall not discuss on here

Plus dealing with the usual of my Husband's disability.

Coping Mechanisms

I don't know if I have mentioned before but I have been through and come out the other side of depression. After my Over Dose I learnt to cope.

There are many methods I use to cope and I would like to share them with you, I can only hope it may help you one day too.

That leads me onto my first coping mechanism.

Helping Others
I always make time for others. I find that being away from the situation is one of the most helpful keys when coping with stress. I find when you are helping others you are not on your own you are part of a team.

Teamwork
Being in a team means you can have fun and enjoy whatever menial task you are completing by laughing and joking, messing around or just having a good old gossip and it can make you forget for a short time about your stresses and worries for a short time helping you to relax.

Relax
Everyone knows you think with your brain but people forget that the brain is also a muscle and it cannot work so effectively when tense, so relax however you do best be that down the pub, in a hot bath, or during mad passionate sex, relax however you find easiest and don't think about it the answer will come easier (even if it doesn't you have had some you time).

Talking
It is important to talk to someone about it, anybody will do. I find it is best to talk to someone who isn't involved in the situation, be it a family member, a friend, a confidante, or a counsellor. It's not necessarily that you are asking for advice but by putting it into words logically that can make you see the problem from a different perspective meaning you make a connection that you wouldn't otherwise make.

Optimism
Personally I was always a pessimist. I had the logic that if I expect the worst I can never be disappointed. This is true however the power of the mind is an incredible thing. It's the one thing I can't explain but in my experience if you think positive good things happen, as well as keeping your mood positive. I will admit this one takes a lot of practice especially when you feel everything is against you but keep at it, it is like any skill, it becomes easier with practice.

And the last one.......

Small mercies
Always be thankful of any small grace and/or mercy. Again it takes practice to be able to identify them as they come in so many forms I would crash all our computers if I tried to list them but I use rule of thumb that if it makes you smile or bake things a little easier even just for a few seconds that it is a small blessing. You'll be surprised how many you encounter in a day, and how many you create yourself. That first sip of a brew, the status on facebook that makes you laugh, the person who smiles at you round the shop.

                         The most important thing though is not only free but simple.

SMILE

:)

What a week!

I know I have abandoned you all but I have been busy.

I have been involved alot in the church holiday club.

We have had lots of fun, dancing, games, songs, facts and quizzes.

The girls decided they were going to make yogurt pot towers whilst learning to work together



The helpers were always picked on...lol... here is Jacquie partaking yet another messy challenge


 There were even dramas by the helpers (myself included)

Everyday there was a different Bible passage, some of which were, Blind Bartimaus, peter walks on water and The Parable of the Sower

All the children absolutely enjoyed the week and I loved it, it has inspired me to want to get involved with leading Junior Church.

I got so much out this week I never wanted it to end.

Pain

Many people blog about pain looking for pity but that is not my style. I am writing about how I am coping with my pain. A very brief low down my hip and lower back are murder and the pain is relentless. The pain killers are not working as well as they were when I first got them they do still numb it and make it slightly more bearable, the biggest problem is that I can't take them when I am driving so I'm normally not able to take them until the evening. It is hard to cope some days especially when the day ahead is going to be long and tiresome. The thing that gets me through everyday is 2 things; my faith and my kids. I don't know if I explained before I have no children of my own but I see al the children I work with and teach. They are the best motive I have ever known and the joy of working with them is enough to make me grit my teeth and bare it. The other is my faith in god that he will help me and give me the strength. It is at this point I want to thank everyone for their prayers of strength and healing. Many people have called me insane because I won't rest but that I keep going, and others tell me to rest. I have many come backs to them you know the normal ones including "oh I have another one it's fine" and "I'm tough as old boots me" but the truth is that I get bored and lonely sat at home on my own unable to carry a plate so munching on finger food, but never mind I'll live. XxxxxxX

Now I've Done It!!

Whilst working away at Latitude Festival in Suffolk I managed to slip in the mud and sprain my hip. I know that's clever and unusual. There is one thing about me, I don't do things by halves if I'm going to do it I do it properly.

My colleagues Were brilliant they all looked after me and they wouldn't let me out of the security compound on my own because the mud was too treacherous.

I didn't want to go to the med tent or the hospital because I knew the repercussions of it if I did and they are now becoming apparent.

I am not able to do poolside, may not be able to be the first aider at the holiday club next week, I cannot lift carry or support the young lady I look after and I am not able to work (although that comes with the bonus that I don't have to work the Olympics).

I have arranged myself some physio with a friend and she recons I have twinged my back as well, I just can't wait to get back on my feet.

Pray for me

xxx